Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Remember why you're breathing

I am a sinner. I am bruised. I have battle wounds. Consequently, I feel the weight of my sin. Time and time again I tell myself, "I'll never do THAT again". Only to return, like a "dog returns to it's vomit", days, sometimes moments later.

Oh, this trap I find myself in all too often. I get so lost in my pursuit of "obedience" so when I fall, I cover up my wounds and bruises it up with silly excuses... "Well, if only God would have ______ then I wouldn't have ______ ." Selfish, selfish me. 

I think God just wants me. Bruises, wounds, disobedience and all. It doesn't really matter if I'm healthy or disgustingly ill, He wants me anyways. He wants me because he loves me by no merit of my own.

I'm learning it's okay to be real with God. It's okay to tell Him I'm completely pissed off about the way things are. I'm learning it's okay to be ecstatic about life but still feel inadequate in tiny crevices that I shrug off and say "don't really matter", and STILL tell God exactly where I'm at. Exactly how I feel. Unsensored. Raw. Messy. Real.

For clarity sake, I do not think my response stops with venting to God. The uncensored, raw, messy, real relationship moves forward in humble acknowledgment of my shortcomings and walking into a life that looks more like Jesus everyday, in faith and obedience.

What does a no-barrier-relationship look like for you? With God, with anyone.

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1 comment:

  1. Awesome linds! So encouraging! It confuses the heck out of me how we can get 'lost in a pursuit of obedience to Him' :(
    Lately, i've been realizing that for me, the rawness is tried in times are when I get to bridges I've never crossed with the Lord before.
    It feels uncomfortable. And it's new
    Balancing knowing that there is NOWHERE else I can turn for resolve, freedom, or solution with having no freaking clue what to say to Him or what to do is at base, a great way of developing intimacy, by expressing a vulnerable dependence.
    "Lord, I don't know what to do here, and I'm screwed outside of you carrying me through."