I have traded riches for rags. I have placed “good”, and “noble” desires and wishes before by creator and have now come to ground zero. I have been left with only one choice.
I hate waiting. I don’t know who likes waiting. God is teaching me what it looks like and quite honestly, more than half the time I don’t enjoy it. I’m not sure what keeps me going except God, really.
In waiting, I am going through this process of growth and pain that is so outside my control. It’s like God just grabbed a hold of me, leaving me no choice but to be uprooted and await the harvest. The only choice I have in the matter is how many extra days I’d like to add to the journey in my unwillingness to cooperate. It's been 5 months too many...I wonder when my spring will come.
I have felt joy amidst the struggle. I have felt real emotion and cried real tears through the slow and painful destruction of my ideology.
To be honest, it’s not fun but necessary.
God has exposed much of what I cling to as being worthless and it’s uncomfortable to realize that my grip to the things of the world were fastened more strongly than to the God of the universe.
For every rough edge that is being chipped away, every uncertain thought, for every tear, every heartache, there is purpose. The rationale for it all is to bring change for the better, something more enduring.
I like to let my mind vomit into mixed up sentences. Rereading my words has encouraged me to continue to wait with much anticipation of a fruitful harvest.