So a lot has been happening in the last few weeks and it's so nice to have some down time today. I'd definitely say that the last few weeks have been the most tough so far. (I threw in some really random pictures from the last week that don't really go with anything I'm writing about, fyi) God has taught me so much in the midst of my frustration and trials. One thing that He has been showing me is that I am not in control. I know this in my head, but I continue to strive to fix my problems and not allow God to have control in the areas of my life that I think I can fix. Something that I am also learning is perseverance. I have been trying to tell myself that I've already learned a lot here and now I want to go home. (haha) This week I have been reading James 1 over and over and learning that it is impossible for me to develop faith if I don't persevere even when I don't want to and I must obey the word and not just listen or else my time spent in the word is spent in vain.
Last night our group got back from the Bay Area. We spent a week up there working with Habitat for Humanity in Oakland. I had no idea
what to expect and because I was not having a good weekend prior to our trip I didn't want to go. All I can say is that God is so faithful. I did not want to come home. It was definitely one of the most rewarding experiences so far. Habitat for Humanity builds communal neighborhoods for families in need. We were split up in groups and had a crew leader that was part of Americorps. These people we worked with were literally the most kind, humble, patient and loving people I have encountered in a long time. It absolutely blew my mind to see people who were not Christians acting in a way that puts so many believers to shame. I kept asking myself, "what keeps these people motivated to help others without the hope of Christ?" And I couldn't answer that question. I have hope and an overall responsibility as a Christian to have a servant's heart and I am lacking heavily in that area. The greatest lesson I learned from these people is the attitude of a servant. So many times throughout the week I caught myself with an attitude that was so awful and definitely not that of a servant. My prayer is that in everything I do I strive for servanthood and to be Christlike because I want to, not just because it is required of me.
Every morning at Joshua we have an hour of devos. We are required to spend 1 hour with God by ourselves. On our trip this week we didn't have that time and by the end of the week I realized how I didn't talk to God all week. I was so busy and preoccupied all week that I completely disregarded that time I needed with God. I know that God allowed that to happen to show me that I need to be in Joshua. I have been thinking lately that I've learned so much that if I left Joshua now I'd be equipped with all I need because I've learned so much but this week God proved me wrong, once again. Basically, He showed me how little I am in comparison to him and that I haven't come to the place where I crave that time with Him more than anything. I am doing it at Joshua because it is required of me. Coming back up the hill and getting back into routine made me miss that time with God and has shown me how much I need it.
If you are praying for me I ask that you pray for God to give me an untamable hunger for Him and His word. Also that I be mindful of my actions and thoughts and keep them all in line with that of a servant. Thanks to everyone who reads this and challenges me in the areas I need to be challenged. I am so blessed for wonderful, Godly men and women in my life. Love you all :)